Sadness!
A visit to Landmark is required when the only readable book in the toilet has a white cover that reads Dell Inspiron 1520 Owner's Instruction Manual. The disclaimer is quite entertaining though.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Phantom of the Opera
One a soap, two a soap, three a soap, four,
The in-laws claim Parvati bhabhi is a whore,
Five a soap, six a soap, seven a soap, eight,
Poor Shanti falls for the vamp's wicked bait,
Meanders to a nine and finally a tian,
Destroy Ekta Kapoor to save all that is Indian.
But as the crow flies and donkey brays,
That would destroy my semester holidays,
For if you analyze there is much bother,
In an unentertained grandmother,
So I bless that twisted lass,
For the occasional kinky saas.
And I pledge to shield my kid's eyes,
From these soap operas I so despise,
It may transform the wife to a vixen and the husband to a mouse,
Ergo it must stay away from my house,
For my future would look rather bleak,
If she could maul while I only squeak.
The in-laws claim Parvati bhabhi is a whore,
Five a soap, six a soap, seven a soap, eight,
Poor Shanti falls for the vamp's wicked bait,
Meanders to a nine and finally a tian,
Destroy Ekta Kapoor to save all that is Indian.
But as the crow flies and donkey brays,
That would destroy my semester holidays,
For if you analyze there is much bother,
In an unentertained grandmother,
So I bless that twisted lass,
For the occasional kinky saas.
And I pledge to shield my kid's eyes,
From these soap operas I so despise,
It may transform the wife to a vixen and the husband to a mouse,
Ergo it must stay away from my house,
For my future would look rather bleak,
If she could maul while I only squeak.
Monday, December 22, 2008
This is the new shit
After a semester of almost illegal confinement at the internment camp we call college my foray into the civilized world is punctuated by the discovery of the television. There are so many new things that make me hold my chair and scream as if I were watching REC all over again. But then the joys of a T1 Internet connection quickly overwhelm the screams.
This is a cover of Yuhin Chala Chale by a bunch of yanks. They're pretty good and its another Rehman number I love. The song has an awesome bassline but you can't really hear it in the video.
Anyway its covered pretty nicely.
You may not know this but THESE are the new Powerpuff Girls. Yes the same ones that inspired sex change operations among many men. They are now chinki. I guess Chemical X is now a product of Japanese engineering too. Oh wait maybe its Honda's Chemical X. Hentai strips can't be far away either. Those bald, chink perverts must be saying "oh rook its the powerpuff girrs. We can now have threesome. Khikhikhikhikhi. We then uproad on the Internet, all those Indian engineers rove this shit."
Who holds a fucking soft drink can like this? Show me. Show me the guy and I'll kick him in the balls. If its a girl she can grow them first. There is no substitute feeling.
I have seen a LOT of lame soft drink campaigns but this one tops the charts. I am actually ashamed to be the target audience of these adverts. This soft drink manufacturer, I don't want to explicitly name it to maintain the relevance of the photograph, pays millions to its agency who come up with the idea " look, lets be totally anti-establishment. Lets go back on evolution. Maybe we looked at the chimps and thought we can hold stuff like this. But we weren't being imaginative. This (pointing at above picture) proves that we humans can be original. Darwin was a dickhead. We are the way ahead."
Then the executives clap and say "Wow. We never thought of things this way. We can be so cool. Wait I'm gonna jack-off like this too. It's so much more efficient, 2 fingers do the job of 4. Plus the sensation is awesome."
And yes I love coke with my ghee roast.
I have seen a LOT of lame soft drink campaigns but this one tops the charts. I am actually ashamed to be the target audience of these adverts. This soft drink manufacturer, I don't want to explicitly name it to maintain the relevance of the photograph, pays millions to its agency who come up with the idea " look, lets be totally anti-establishment. Lets go back on evolution. Maybe we looked at the chimps and thought we can hold stuff like this. But we weren't being imaginative. This (pointing at above picture) proves that we humans can be original. Darwin was a dickhead. We are the way ahead."
Then the executives clap and say "Wow. We never thought of things this way. We can be so cool. Wait I'm gonna jack-off like this too. It's so much more efficient, 2 fingers do the job of 4. Plus the sensation is awesome."
And yes I love coke with my ghee roast.
This is a cover of Yuhin Chala Chale by a bunch of yanks. They're pretty good and its another Rehman number I love. The song has an awesome bassline but you can't really hear it in the video.
Anyway its covered pretty nicely.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Ogden Nash's Stash
A mister and miss tied the knot,
For love, family and god knows what,
All was good till the 7 year itch,
Whence he became a bastard and she a bitch,
They searched high and low for connubial bliss,
Till a holy sage proposed a bud of cannabis,
And as strange as it may sound,
They were surprised to find marriage counselling for less than a pound,
Now their lives are rather gay,
With a daily quota of 3 kingsize J.
Another mister always wanted to be a piolet,
With dreams of flying into the horizons violet,
As a kid he lived in airplane utopia,
Till he was bludgeoned by a strong dose of myopia,
All his ambitions were now rather blurry,
Like watery eyes after an orgy of Andhra curry,
Till the holy sage realized that if flying was the need,
Apparatus required was just a pillow of weed,
And what would really put him on song,
A nice painted, spherical glass bong.
Now I began to suspect this holy man,
When he requested for porn off my lan,
And insisted that if I were to score,
I must bring the pictures more and more,
But I played along for I was curious,
Eager to prove this guru was spurious,
So I collected all the matter I could find,
Wrote my will as the undersigned,
And when I reached for his stash,
I realized he was Ogden Nash.
My hero since was a toddler,
Was actually a wicked weed poddler,
He laughed at my childish surprise,
And told me my acting was worth a phustprize,
He put his hand on my shoulder, all wrinkled and old,
And acted as if he was speaking words of gold,
Candy might be dandy,
And liquer might be quicker,
But if true joy is sought,
Then look nought beyond pot.
For love, family and god knows what,
All was good till the 7 year itch,
Whence he became a bastard and she a bitch,
They searched high and low for connubial bliss,
Till a holy sage proposed a bud of cannabis,
And as strange as it may sound,
They were surprised to find marriage counselling for less than a pound,
Now their lives are rather gay,
With a daily quota of 3 kingsize J.
Another mister always wanted to be a piolet,
With dreams of flying into the horizons violet,
As a kid he lived in airplane utopia,
Till he was bludgeoned by a strong dose of myopia,
All his ambitions were now rather blurry,
Like watery eyes after an orgy of Andhra curry,
Till the holy sage realized that if flying was the need,
Apparatus required was just a pillow of weed,
And what would really put him on song,
A nice painted, spherical glass bong.
Now I began to suspect this holy man,
When he requested for porn off my lan,
And insisted that if I were to score,
I must bring the pictures more and more,
But I played along for I was curious,
Eager to prove this guru was spurious,
So I collected all the matter I could find,
Wrote my will as the undersigned,
And when I reached for his stash,
I realized he was Ogden Nash.
My hero since was a toddler,
Was actually a wicked weed poddler,
He laughed at my childish surprise,
And told me my acting was worth a phustprize,
He put his hand on my shoulder, all wrinkled and old,
And acted as if he was speaking words of gold,
Candy might be dandy,
And liquer might be quicker,
But if true joy is sought,
Then look nought beyond pot.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Standard Format
Every year, when the cold December winds freeze people elsewhere while my perma-summer town remains hale, hearty and gujju, I take a few minutes from my excruciatingly busy schedule to compile a list of what was. And as it is with all other lists, this is pointless-ness and inaccuracy taken to a newer level. To quote Drew Carey, 'the points don't matter, just like underwear to Sharon Stone'.
Anyway, shall we proceed.
2008's 5 Trippiest things:
1. Mess Food
Believe it or not, mess food is the king. It is difficult to explain, its like sweet smell of grass on a summer day, like the American intellect, like that feeling you get when a cricket ball slams into a man's crotch. Man hasn't invented words for these things. Apart from fuck of course. (To be pronounced with an elongated vowel sound.)
2. Porcupine Tree
A multi-coloured lava lamp. The colours merging, prancing around like Russian ice skaters. Layers on layers of music, which actually reminds me of the Castor oil viscosity diagram in the 11Th CBSE physics textbook. Held up by some solid bass, with chunks of pleasure thrown in by the drums almost arbitrarily. And as you pierce the layers, the occasional relief by the keyboards. Blue guitar sparks through the outer surface, the steady riff. Then the song ends and everything goes away.
3. Cows
Cute, very lovable, rather peaceful, pastel shades, abstract art shapes, wet nose, whiplash tails (for the BDSM fans), lazy and awesome competition at burpfests.
Ergo trippy.
4. Lollipops
I have often expressed my great admiration for lollipops. They are the tsars of confectionery. They are symbols of mankind, from pornography to innocence, a lollipop has the power to make you laugh, cry, dance and can choke you to death. Their names are the epitome of creativity and their flavours are swirls of joy( Oh my god! Festember's actually a lollipop.)
Most importantly you can ask someone else to buy you 5 of them because that makes you cute. But I swear you're ugly.
5. Stars
As a child I often wondered how, and very importantly why, did people name constellations. Now I certainly know how. Couple of spliffs and that's it. I remember spotting half of my wing out there, though Basu's nose was rather elongated. I spotted my favourite one just before leaving. If you slightly extrapolate the hunter so that Sirius B coincides with the bear, you will get... hold your breath... the lyrics for Stairway to heaven run backwards. Those devils! They knew everything!
Now for the other question. Why? Because its fun! I can imagine 2 Neanderthal Americans figuring them out:
NA1:"Dude look that chick in the sky has 2 noses"
NA2:"Those are her tits you moron"
etc etc
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Hello World
I know it is pretty bright.
But I like it :)
And the old blog redirects here, so I dumped all the old articles on this address.
Comments will be appreciated. Well at least the good ones.
Cheers!
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